


And Yet

by lil_1337



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-02
Updated: 2007-03-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 22:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_1337/pseuds/lil_1337
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the room that echoes challenge #8.  Lyrics for Winter born (this sacrifice) – Cruxshadows and the <a href="http://gw500.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://gw500.livejournal.com/"><b>gw500</b></a> prompt – chips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Yet

The lights are low on Peacemillion, mimicking night, and I should be sleeping like Howard told us to, but I can't seem to. Quatre's the only one sleeping. Wufei is meditating, Duo is visiting with Hilde and Heero is going over Wing one last time. There is nothing left to do on Heavyarms. He is as ready as I am.

I should be resting; that is the logical course of action. My body needs to be fully charged and my mind clear for battle and yet for the first time in as long as I can remember I feel restless and unsettled. Things are happening around us and the world is on a course to determine the future of the Earth and the colonies.

There was a time not so long ago when I didn't think about my place or how I fit. It didn't matter, I was a soldier and my duty was to die for whatever cause I was defending. A pawn has no value beyond the best way it can be sacrificed to further the game, taking with it as many of the opponent's pieces as possible.

Lately I've been wondering what happens when the game is over? After one side declares checkmate and the other topples their king. The analogy ends there. It has to. Soldiers aren't bits of plastic or glass that can be repacked back into their case until the next call to war. We're human, made of flesh and bone, and if we survive despite the odds then what? None of us has prepared for that possibility.

Quatre and Wufei had lives before becoming pilots. Of all of us they know best how to live in a world not driven by war. Duo has a place with the sweepers. He says that he can count on them when the chips are down. Heero has Relena to watch over. She has a place in peace that will be bigger than all of us. If we can stop the fighting she can make it last.

There is the circus and I know that Cathy would accept me back. There is no doubt in her mind that we are sibling and who am I to argue? The question remains do I belong there? I have no name, no future. Giving up my life should be easy and yet it isn't. Built into every living organism is the desire to continue to exist. In the end I am no different. I will fight and if it is unavoidable I will die. That is the course I have chosen and will follow with no regrets.

And yet…

That is what keeps me walking the quiet corridors of this ship, and yet. It eats at the corners of mind and distracts my focus from where it belongs. I know I have the strength and courage of conviction to die for the future. Why is it I am not sure I have what it takes to live for the same?


End file.
